A Lesson in Humility

I thought I would shift gears a little and get more personal in this log. I want this blog to simply by a journal of my spiritual journey which will be much about my time in the Word and what the Lord is teaching me through His Word. Yet, God also teaches us through circumstances and conforms us to His likeness through those experiences.

Ulcerative Colitis
In 1994 I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (UC). UC is one of two diseases classified as inflammatory bowel disease (IBD); the other is Crohn's disease. In simple terms, UC is a disease causing significant inflammation of the large intestine resulting in loose stool, bleeding, cramping, fatigue, and more. UC is often divided into three types depending on the extent of the disease: lower, left-side, or entire colon. My UC is called pan-ulcerative colitis which means that my entire colon is diseased.

Of the 300 million people living in the US, about one million have UC. Presently, they (whoever they are) don't know what causes the disease nor do they have a cure for the disease outside of removing the colon. That is the one positive about UC - since it is localized to the colon, the disease can be eliminated by surgically removing the large intestine. People with Crohn's disease don't have this option as the disease can also affect the small intestine or other parts of the GI tract.

My Journey
When I was first diagnosed with UC, I was really struggling with uncontrollable symptoms. The above mentioned symptoms were occuring along with severe joint pain, vomitting, and periods of fever and chills. I jumped around from doctor to doctor running a battery of tests before finally zeroing in on the diagnosis.

For the next several years, I tried all kinds of things. I took various medications and even tried some drug tests. I experiemented with nutritional, dietery, and alternative doctors and plans. I have learned a great deal about all aspects of the disease and ways of dealing with it.

For the past several years, I've simply learned how to best manage UC in order to best carry on with my life and responsibilities. I've learned what I have to stay away from diet-wise and what I need to be doing to stay as healthy as possible (though this is always a battle). Basically, my symptoms, though present, are managable and tolerable. I visit the bathroom more often than most, have continual diarrhea, and struggle with fatigue. Yet, I can still do just about anything I want to do.

Drugs
One of the grinding things about UC is the drugs. As with all diseases, drugs are used to help control symptoms. The bad things about drugs is they also produce symptoms. For UC, there are various maintenance drugs that have minor side effects. I have taken these off and on over the years and have found little help with them.

At times when my UC is pretty active or "flaring," I usually have to be put on prednizone for a short time to control the inflammation. I hate taking prednizone as it has all kinds of side effects that drive me nuts. There are also side effects with prolonged use of prednizone. Though I only take it for a couple of months at a time, I usually have to be on it about every 12-18 months. Since I've had the disease for about 13 years, the prednisone is adding up. One of the biggest issues with prolonged use is calcium depletion in the bones. I don't want to end up with osteoporosis by the time I'm 50.

To try to curb the use of prednisone, I've started taking an immunosupressant drug about two years ago. It's the next level of drugs used when the maintenance drugs aren't doing enough. This drug also has side effects and potential long-term side effects though I haven't experienced any, particularly in comparison to the prednisone. I really haven't noticed any difference while taking the drug and wonder if it is doing anything at all.

My Options
In January, I had my yearly colonoscopy. I go in every year for the procedure now that I've had the disease for 10+ years. I'm at a higher risk for developing colon cancer. The doctor takes multiple biopsies and does a lot of blood work. All of my tests came back negative for pre-cancer and my blood work was all good. Yet the inflammation was very high as the disease significantly active. I've again gone on another prednisone pulse while still taking my immunosupressant drug. I've also been given a different maintenance drug to try.

This past week, Angela and I met with my GI to discuss where we are and where we're going. Here are the options that are before me:

One, if I feel like my symptoms are manageable and tolerable after the prednisone pulse, I can simply continue taking the immunosuppresant and see if the new maintenance drug will help.

Two, I can step into a new level of drugs in the immunosuppresant family. This is a drug called remicade and it given through IV. It has been very successful in treating the symptoms of IBD but the side effects can be more extreme and the long-term effects, though not fully known, are not very attractive. For one, there is an increased risk of lymphoma. Yet, there is an increased risk of developing cancer with long-term use of prednisone. There is also a greater risk of cancer with long-term active UC. Therefore, I feel a little like I'm flipping a coin.

Three, I can opt for surgery and be done with the disease. Yet, surgury also has its issues whether I choose to do a reconnect or go with an ileostomy.

A Lesson
A fourth option is for God to heal me. Diet, nutrition, exercise, alternative treatments, drugs, etc. have not fully dealth with my disease. All of these have helped and enabled me to carry on fairly normally. Yet, they are no cure and my disease is slowly progressing or at least getting to the point where the prolonged nature of the disease is becoming an issue.

I've prayed consistently and continually for God to take it away. My family and friends have prayed for me. Yet, God allows me to live with this thorn. I can honestly say that I've never been angry or disappointed with God at the seemingly silence to my request. I trust in His sovereign will and purpose in receiving glory through even my weakness.

As I consider the options above, I've been reminded of my place before God. He is my Lord and King and I will continually bow in humility before Him. My only option is to give Him glory through my infirmity and to praise Him for His sustaining work in my life.

I don't have all the answers when it come to God and my disease. In fact, I don't even have the right questions. I simply want to be a ceaseless worshiper; one who worships during times of health and times of sickness. In all things and at all times, may God receive the praise and glory.